Things to Ponder

To pee or not to pee

I have found myself in hospitals or medical plazas for many different reasons this last week. And I have come to a very disturbing conclusion. And lucky you the squirrels are farting away; the outcome should be very interesting!

Hospitals and medical places are meant to be places of healing right? We need them to be clean and sterile to prevent the risk of infections and yet so far these places have the least clean public bathroom around!

I mean seriously; if OnCue can keep clean bathrooms then so should the place we go for health!!!

Ok squirrel rant over; thank you.


This has been my view for the last 2 years.   I have been sitting in the parking lot waiting.  Waiting for her to come out at the end of the day.  Waiting here how things went down.  Every day there was a story she had to share.  And then today arrived…

Today was the last day to sit and wait.  The last day to enjoy this view, the last day of stories to tell.   Today was the last day I would pick her up.  Today was the last day of high school.  The last day of her youth.IMG_3780
So many things wrapped up in this LAST day…

And yet, I don’t feel sad.  I feel like I should.  Shouldn’t there be tears?  I mean this is the last day of my baby’s childhood!  There should be some sadness right?IMG_3786

The thing is while it is the last day of high school, it is also the BEGINNING of something new, something exciting, something she has been dreaming of.

Every chapter must come to an end but it doesn’t have to be met with sadness over what is over, it can be met with excitement and anticipation of the NEW that is coming.   She is off to new places, new adventures, and new stories.   And as to the picking her up from school for the last time… she doesn’t drive yet so that’s probably not over yet!

Two years have gone by and not much has changed. I still sit and wait, I make sure he is in a safe place and watch. You would think that by year 2 we would have it all figured out, that we would no longer be dealing with this, that we would have some answers. We don’t.

That’s the thing about epilepsy, it doesn’t have answers. One day it is one way and the next it is another. At least for us… every day is different. Some days are great and other days are a form of living hell…

At the end of it all his brain is still broken and my heart still breaks.

Brain Squirrels & Farts

A week ago today the phone call came. We knew deep down what she was going to say but still we hoped. We hope we were wrong while knowing there was no other answer. So the news wasn’t a shock; it was more of a heavy blanket of acceptance that settled over us. Well, over me at least.

The final verdict- epilepsy.

I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding; epilepsy.

Now it has a name; now I can research and move into action. Now I can figure out what the heck I am supposed to do instead of sitting helplessly watching him suffer. Research says… take his keys; don’t let him drive; and sit and watch helplessly; oh and try to protect his head.

So I sit and watch making sure he is in a safe place; making sure his head is protected. But here’s where…

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Genghis and Freeway

I met the cutest little puppy the other day.  I know, I know all puppies are cute but seriously this one was quite possibly the cutest puppy I have every seen.  He hasn’t quite grown into his name yet, Genghis, but he will.  He’s an Old English Bulldog and O.M.G. he is gorgeous!   He doesn’t wag his tail he wags his whole body!  So stinkin’ cute!

And then I met Freeway.  Freeway is this teeny tiny kitten that was rescued from alongside the freeway.  Talk about a great name!  Well, I think it is a great name for this little grey tabby.  I think she grow up to become an amazing cat.

Now before you start to worry about what ever crazy, nonsensical notion I may have gotten these are NOT my babies and they are NOT coming home with me, not that I wouldn’t have minded.  No I did something even crazier… I got a job at a Vet clinic!

No listen, I KNOW next to nothing about animal health.  People health I do ok with, animal???? That’s a whole different kind of crazy.  The best part of the job… getting to greet all the “kiddos” that come in. 🙂  I had no idea I would enjoy it so much.  And I really am.  I’ve been asked how I like working there and my answer has been kind of vague but I woke up this morning and had the thought, “I get to work today, I wonder what kiddos’ I’ll meet?”  So I guess that means that I kind of like it.

Maybe it’s because I am finally in an environment where my squirrels feel at home?  I mean it is all kinds of crazy there, but in a REALLY strange sort of way I kind of feel at home!   Like my crazy makes sense… and I know that makes NO sense.

Anyway, just thought I would share the crazy with you all.  If you haven’t done the thing that you are supposed to do to get notified when I post you may want to do that.  😛  I wish you all a squirrel filled day!

Graduation season has arrived.  I am lucky enough to have a daughter graduating high school this year too!  That means I get to be a part of all of the graduation chaos.  Talk about letting the squirrels run wild!

Here’s what I keep coming back to… Why are Graduations and Mother’s Day all in the same month?  I think I’m on to them…  I believe I have unlocked the mystery…  Many years ago, the “Powers that Be” established a national holiday called Mother’s Day.  It didn’t start out as a day to honor all the things moms did for their kiddos, no, it started as a class to teach mothers how to better raise their children… well that is a least one of the origins.  The official holiday came about because of woman named Anna Jarvis who wanted to honor mothers and the sacrifices they make.  (If you don’t believe me you can check it out for yourself at

Anyhooo… I’m not teaching history so I’ll get back to my point.  The “powers that be” created a national holiday called mother’s day.  It “happens” to fall every 2nd Sunday in May.  … May is such a full month!  Mother’s day, Teacher Appreciation, End of School just to name a few…

So Mother’s day comes and then graduations.  So… we have a day to celebrate mom and get her some nice gifts and tell her you love her, … … …  and THEN…

Well then comes all the chaos of graduation.  The celebrations, the invitations, the gown, the cap, the pictures… and all the things wrapped up in it.

So I have come to this conclusion.  Mother’s day comes before graduation as a way to butter moms up so they don’t kill there kids days before they walk and get a paper saying good job, you did school.  But where is the award for mom???
Image result for squirrel wearing graduation cap

The Way to Go Mom Award

The You didn’t Kill Them Award

The 12 Years of Carpool Award

The Lunch Packer Award

… and …

so many more!

So here’s to you Mom!  You are true graduate!  You made sure your kid showed up everyday, you made sure they did their homework AND that they took it back to school the next day.  Congratulations for sitting through all the musicals and plays.  High Five for all the hours spent in the car running them from here to there.  As your baby walks across that stage, you are walking with them, cheering them on from behind, sobbing as you see your baby no longer needs to hold your hand.  But here’s to you mom, as your baby soars remember you taught them how, and you are the wind under them.  They wouldn’t be where they are without you.  Here’s to you Mom, the true 2019 Graduate!

Stalling Squirrels

It has become quite clear to me that the little dudes who run my brain have stopped running.  Maybe they are on strike or something, I’m not sure but I could really use their speed!  I have so much that I HAVE TO ACCOMPLISH, I don’t have time for the squirrels to take a break!

Yes it’s May, and May is mental health awareness months, and yes mental breaks are crucial to the survival of humanity but why right now????

That’s kind of how it works.  We, or at least I push and push and don’t take the breaks like I should and now I find myself struggling to get back on board with my project.  And this project is one of the most important projects I’ve ever attempted to complete.  It’s my daughter’s graduation video.  See what I mean… crucial!

So I am taking a squirrel break and will get back on task in a moment.

Can I encourage you to take a mental break with me?  Leave the farting squirrels  alone for a moment and just let your brain stop, let it go blank, just sit in the stillness for a minute or two.  I know you have things that have to get done, so do I!  I know all about deadlines.  I also know that when the brain is overwhelmed no matter how much you keep trying to push through it will just freeze and force a break on you.  So here is what I want you to do…

1) Take a deep breath and hold it for a second then slowly breathe out.

2) Close your eyes and take 3 more deep breaths just like the first one

3) Stand up and take 3 more deep breaths

That’s it. You’re done.  Now if you want to take a bit longer go for it!  Do some stretches, go for a quick walk, or maybe you stand all the time and you just need to sit for a moment, do it.

And now it’s time for me to get back on task.  Squirrels, fire up those engines, it time to get farting… I mean going

What… Squirrel!!!

I am 100% sure that I have squirrels “farting in my brain!  Seriously, I jump from idea to idea, start and never finish.  Like this blog, I had big ideas for just how awesome it was going to be and then… squirrel!!!

I really couldn’t tell you what happened or why things fell by the side of road.  It probably more accurate to say the squirrel fell out of the tree and had a concussion and thus I don’t know what happened to the blog.  That’s actually not to far from the truth!

It has been almost exactly 2 years since I last wrote anything!  2 YEARS!  A lot has gone down in the last 2 years.  I’ll try to not get too distracted and update those 2 years as time goes on.  For now, let’s just agree that … SQUIRREL!!!!  It’s good to be back!

Have you ever snagged your finger nail, filed it down only to have it snag again?  Would you be surprised if I told you that your nail care routine could be the cause?  Keep reading and I will give you 3 reasons why you need a glass nail file and how it could improve your overall nail health, giving you stronger nails.

To understand how glass files could improve nail health we have to first look at traditional emery boards and how they work.  Emory boards are basically sandpaper.  Yep, just like the sandpaper you buy at Home Depot.  Little bits of sand glued onto paper and cardboard.   Glass files are generally made by an acid being poured over glass creating an etching, the roughness of the file.  Why does all this matter?

Emory boards, or as I like to call them, sand paper sticks, with less than 180 grit can cause damage to your nails.  As the nail is run over the file the sand tears the end of the nail causing a shift in the layers of the nail plate which can in turn cause splitting, peeling and breakage.  Emory boards are meant to be used by filing in ONLY ONE direction.  Truth is very few of us know this and we just saw our nails over the file.  This sawing action causes so much damage, leaving the tip or end of the nail open.  Open nail tips mean that water, dirt, bacteria, and germs can get caught between the thin layers of the nail plate, weakening the nail.  This weakening of the nail can cause peeling, chipping and nail splitting.  It will also leave the nail slightly rough which can snag and cause tearing.


  1.  STRENGTHENING YOUR NAILS.  Over time glass files can increase the strength and health of your nails.  Glass files are NOT rough on the nail.  They are gentle and highly recommended for weak nails.  Glass files have a finer grit so to speak so they don’t tear the nail end as you file.  As a matter of fact, glass files seal the precious keratin layers of your nails, so your nail tip is closed and not open.  What does a closed tip mean?  It means water and bacteria, can’t get between the layers causing more weakness.  With time and use of a glass nail file your nails may become stronger and healthier.


  1. HYGIENE. Do you know what it is lurking on your emery board? Only a micro-biologist could show you what all is hiding on your file.  Need I say more?  Remember emery boards are made of paper and sand, they make the perfect little house for those tiny little germs to sit in wait.    For sanitary purposes alone emery boards should only be used once!  1 single solitary time! Yikes!  That means that every time you use your emery board not only are your tearing open the end of your nails you are also depositing whatever germs decided to live there since the last time! Glass files seal the keratin making them safer for you nails.  Not only are they safer they are also cleanable!  They can be washed with antibacterial soap and they can be cleaned.  Meaning every time, you file your nails you are starting with the best possible file, a clean, safe one for your nails.


  1. GLASS FILE ARE GREEN. Glass files are eco-friendly!  Think about this.  Every year emery boards are bought, used and tossed.  The quantity of emery boards used in a year and discarded would fill a football stadium.  A whole stadium filled each year with discarded emery boards.  Yes, they will EVENTUALLY bio-degrade but a football stadium’s worth every year?  They don’t break down that fast!

Glass files can last forever.  With proper care that is.  They are not made for one time use and are cleanable and won’t find their way into the land fill as quickly.  If and when you are done with your glass file and need to dispose of it guess what… it is RECYCLABLE!  Investing in a glass file can help save your nails and it’s one step in the right direction to help save the planet too!

After doing a lot of research and using a glass file for several months I can say that I LOVE my new file!  There really is ZERO reason to not invest in one of these beauties.  Healthier nails, hygienic, and planet friendly?  It’s a no brainer!

Up late… again

So here I am awake.

It’s normal; for me at least.  It’s normal for me to find myself completely unable to shut my brain down.  So I think over the day; the week; the month; the year and sometimes even over events from decades ago.  

My problem is that instead of thinking on the good things; the positive; I fixate on the stupid and the bad.  I rehash the words I said and kick myself for the stupidity that comes out of my mouth.  How could I have said that?  Why couldn’t I just keep my mouth shut? What was I thinking; was I thinking???

I can’t seem to let it go.  And as I think over the day; weeks; month; years I see that wisdom does not seem to be present.  I feel terrible for the hurtful things I’ve said; for the soapbox or rant I’ve gone on.  And even though in some cases years have passed when that memory surfaces I  just want the earth to open and swallow me whole.  I can’t seem to find a way to forgive myself and move on.  I succeed for a little while but when the memories come flooding back… well a dark hole is where I’d like to be.  

Why is it so difficult for me to let things go?  Why do I beat myself to a pulp for years?  

Tonight is another late night.

The memories are rushing back.

I’m so tired…

I just want to  sleep …

If you were to ask my kids they would probably tell you I hover.  I am always checking on them, asking if they need anything and if anyone hurts them…look out! Mama bear will be lurking in the shadows just waiting to take out the culprit(s).  If that makes me a helicopter-mom then so be it; although I do think I’m getting better about letting the older two handle things on their own.

Today I’ve coined a new phrase “helicopter-wife.”  My dear husband chuckled (yes out loud, which is very rare) at the new term.  I feel the need to hover and check on him constantly!  I worry about every second he isn’t with me.   I am very much aware that I will need to get over my fear(s) and allow him room to breathe.  

This is a new reality for us – epilepsy means a new way of doing things.  It means learning to live a “new normal”.  It means for now he doesn’t drive… so I take him everywhere.  It means when he says things like “my face is vibraty” I find a chair and make him sit.  Or when he gets quiet for too long I ask if he is ok.  

See not every seizure is like what you see on TV or YouTube. Some are virtually unnoticeable; that’s why it has taken so long to find out what is going on.  Because each seizure is different I never know what to expect.  So for now I hover… always at the ready.   I guess you could say my “new normal” includes the title “helicopter-wife”; maybe now my kids will get a break from helicopter-mom.  

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