My baby is just about all grown up; making grown up decisions and it hit me… I’m not ready!
What if she isn’t ready? Have I taught her what she needs to know??? Can she handle this thing called life? Can she handle “adulting”?
I’m laying here awake at 4:34 a.m. and I am playing out every every negative, scary or just plain bad scenario to see if she could handle it.
I have tried to teach my children that this world is flawed and messed up while at the same time teaching them that it is beautiful and amazing. I’ve tried to show them that there are bad people and good people. I tried to teach them that they do not need to live in fear of the world outside of our home but that they should be aware and alert of their surroundings. I hope I have accomplished those things.
My almost grown up daughter came home from work and told me about her day. She told me about a co-worker saying something very ugly and inappropriate. She laughed as though it was funny and I wanted to cry! I told her I was sorry he had said those things to her…what else could I say?
In that moment my heart broke for her. I never wanted her to hear words like that. Why? Because I want her to know she has more value than those words say she has. I want her to feel safe at work. (I want to know that she is safe at work!) I want her to enjoy going to work; not worry about who she might be working with. I want her to look forward to being an adult and not be afraid of this next chapter in life.
I wish I could protect her and keep her all to myself but that wouldn’t be fair. It wouldn’t be fair to rob the world of the love of Jesus that radiates from her.
So… I won’t bubble wrap her or lock her in a tower. Instead I will walk beside her on this journey and I will help her; encourage her; offer her advice (not just when she asks afterall I’m still her mom 😊) and when she falls I will help her up; “kiss ouchies” and send her back out to try again. And as these last days speed by I’ll cover her with more prayers than ever before!
I am proud of the young woman my almost grown up daughter is now and is becoming. I am terrified for her! More terrified than I was when I brought her home from the hospital almost 18 years ago! (This momma may lose more sleep over her grown up kids then she did when they were babies!)
So my 4:34 a.m. moments will be spent not just pondering all the bad things that could happen but praying for her. Praying that she would have the wisdom to make good choices for herself; wisdom to see danger ahead; wisdom to avoid those dangerous moments. I will pray for her safety and for her heart. I pray that she will live fearlessly! And then I will close my eyes hours later and attempt to rest because for now; she is still my baby and she is sleeping soundly in her bed. And that gives me peace.